The Pregnancy After Loss (PAL) antenatal support and education group is designed for pregnant parents who have previously lost a baby as a result of stillbirth or death in the newborn period. The group meets over several months with a combination of day and evening sessions.
"I think a lot of people might have thought that I was negative or not excited about my pregnancy. It was so reassuring to air the sometimes overwhelming and possibly irrational anxieties I had with others in the group who didn't judge or tell me not to worry, as they just understood. It was also reassuring to hear about others' anxieties too. It made me feel 'normal'."
The beautiful old house called Stormanston, offers a safe and comforting environment for a number of different groups aimed at supporting parents after their baby has died. The groups are funded through the generosity of the Mater Hospital and run by Obstetric Social Workers Deb de Wilde and Belinda Power.
"It made my pregnancy manageable. I don't know how I would have done without it. There was always the next session to look forward to."
The group provides an opportunity to meet with others who have also experienced the death of baby and now face the joy and uncertainty and anxiety of another pregnancy, a place in which hopes and fears can be talked about and hopefully worked through.
"It's a safe place to discuss feelings. A place I feel that I "fit in ". Sometimes in the outside world I have to pretend to fit in."
Each meeting looks at a specific aspect of the experience of subsequent pregnancy. One session, for example, looks in detail at the experience of induction of labor and the experience of birth via caesarean section. Another involves a chance to meet with a couple who have previously participated in a PAL group and are now parenting their Ônew' baby.
"It was good having the different topics. I really remember the dealing with anxiety and the midwives."
Others deal with the experience of the loss of the previous baby and the way in which the impending birth of another baby can act as a catalyst for emotions about the baby who has died.
"I liked seeing how every one dealt with their pregnancies differently. Some people were more positive at times and some found that harder but we could support each other. Sometimes hearing that someone had done something like buy something for the new baby encouraged others to have a go to stretch themselves."
Following the birth of the babies, the group continues as a parent and baby group, a place to reflect upon their journey to parenthood and to discuss the experience of getting to know their 'new' baby while maintaining a bond with their baby who has died.
"When the babies started coming I began to believe my baby would be OK. That first baby being born was a real turning point for me."
All meetings are held at Stormanston House, 27 McLaren Street, North Sydney at no cost to participants. We are planning a new group and would welcome inquires from any one who is interested.
Please contact Deb at peterbarr@bigpond.com or
Belinda at belinda_power@bigpond.com.au.
"I came into the group late. I think I had been a bit scared to go, I'm so sorry now I hadn't joined at the beginning. I felt so isolated. When I came to the group, although every one had a different story I felt they were just like Me. I wasn't alone!"
